


Surviving the Dawn

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Injury, M/M, Minor Character Death, Prompt Fill, bingo prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23920804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: Rafael and Sonny have a difficult conversation a week after Sonny is injured.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 93
Collections: April 2020 Barisi Bingo





	Surviving the Dawn

Rafael wakes up and turns over. It's just before dawn, the barest hint of light showing when he glances out the window. He can hear Sonny moving quietly in the kitchen and rubs sleep from his eyes as he gets out of bed and pads down the hall. 

"Morning," Sonny says as he pours coffee in a travel mug. "You should get back in bed."

"You're supposed to be on medical leave," Rafael replies, glancing pointedly at the crutches Sonny's leaned against the kitchen counter. He'd look pointed at Sonny's still-bandaged leg, too, if he could see it. He's at least glad to see Sonny's wearing a pair of casual cotton pants with a long-sleeve henley rather than having to wonder what sort of damage he might have done trying to get into a suit.

"I know," Sonny says, breezy but not hitting it right, "but our guy's popped up. Liv wants me to coordinate search grids from the squad, so I'll just be on a desk."

"Does she really want you to do that, or did Amanda text you because she's a good friend, and she wanted to let you know how things were going, and you're not supposed to be going into work?" Rafael wants to be annoyed when Sonny's sudden stillness tells him that that's exactly what happened, but he tamps it down because annoyance is not what's going to get this conversation where it needs to go. 

"I'll be at a desk," Sonny says quietly, looking down at his travel mug. "It'll be fine. I'll even get someone to grab me coffee."

"You need to stay home," Rafael says just as quietly. He takes a deep breath. "You know you can't--"

"She was still breathing when we got there," Sonny spits out. It's the first mention he's made of the case since Rafael saw him woozy and pale in the ER. "She was still--"

"I know," Rafael says quietly. He steps around the counter and takes the travel mug from Sonny's hands.

"If I'd been a little faster...if I'd done something…"

"Breathing isn't alive, Sonny," Rafael says in a whisper. He pulls on Sonny's hands, and he's grateful when Sonny leans against him and presses his forehead against his shoulder. "Liv told me about the ME's report, too. She'd suffered severe oxygen deprivation from the duct tape he put over her face. She was breathing, but the brain damage meant she probably wouldn't have made it even if he hadn't attacked you."

"But I--"

"And if you had gotten her to the hospital, we'd likely be in the same place."

"If I'd--" Sonny sobs, and he tightens his arms around Rafael. "I should have been able to help," he gets out. 

"I know," Rafael replies. He cups the back of Sonny's neck and presses his face against Sonny's temple. "I know." He feels Sonny shift and grabs tight at the back of Sonny's shirt. "Come on," he says, taking half a step back. He kisses Sonny's temple when Sonny moves with him. "Good," he says. "Good."

He gets them over to the couch and manages to get Sonny to sit and stretch out his bad leg. He holds Sonny's face in his hands and simply looks at him for a long moment. "Does your leg hurt?"

Sonny shakes his head. He hiccups and wraps his arms around himself. "Not worse than it was."

"Okay." Rafael lifts Sonny's calf and puts pillows under it to help with the pain. He rubs his hand up Sonny's uninjured leg. "You want the coffee you poured?"

Sonny nods. Rafael grips his shoulder for a moment before he goes and gets it. He gets himself a cup as well, and also runs a clean dishrag under warm water. He sets the mugs on the coffee table, then tips Sonny's chin up to wipe the tear tracks off his face. 

"Thank you," Sonny says quietly. He hasn't loosened the hold he has on his sides. 

Rafael takes the blanket off the back of the couch and tucks it around Sonny's shoulders. "Were you trying to sneak out?" he asks. He can't help himself. 

Sonny stares at his travel mug for a long moment. "I was gonna write a note," he says almost too low for Rafael to hear.

Rafael sighs heavily. "Sonny."

"I know."

Rafael looks down at his hands. He looks up when one of Sonny's comes into view and tangles their fingers together. "You've got therapy this afternoon," Rafael says. "I can come with. I don't have to be in the room with you, but I can wait for you in the lobby if you want."

Sonny gives Rafael a thin smile, but Rafael can tell it's genuine. "I think that'd be good, thank you."

"I love you," Rafael says. He squeezes Sonny's hand when Sonny can only mouth the words in return. "You did everything you could," Rafael says, not surprised when Sonny has to blink away fresh tears. He wants to tell Sonny that, really, he went so far beyond doing his best. So, so far beyond. 

Liv had told Rafael the unedited truth: Sonny had entered their suspect's residence on an easy lie, the rest of the team waiting down at street-level in the van for his signal. Three minutes later, Sonny's easy faux-repairman patter was cut off by a scream and a thump. By the time Liv and the others had rushed the room, their suspect had escaped down the disused back stairs, and they'd found Sonny on the floor, the knife still in his leg. 

"He was bending over Ava and feeling for her pulse," Liv had told Rafael as they'd waited for Sonny to come out of surgery. "He couldn't find it, and Amanda called the bus while Mike started CPR. He…" Liv had swallowed hard and closed her eyes for a moment. "He gave her last rites before he let Fin check her over."

In the waiting room, Rafael had shut his eyes tight to keep from crying. Now, on their sofa, he lets a few tears fall as he leans in and kisses Sonny softly on the cheek. "Let's stop by the Church on the way home. We'll light a candle."

Sonny's hand clenches hard around Rafael's fingers. "You don't--"

"I love you, Sonny," Rafael interrupts. "I can light a candle or two and not get struck by lightning."

Sonny's chuckle is almost silent, but Rafael can feel the shiver of it in the way Sonny breathes against his hair. "Okay. Thank you."

Rafael kisses Sonny's cheek again and doesn't hide the fact he's wiping away tears as he slowly pulls away. "I love you," he says one more time because he can. Because Sonny is here and alive and for that, Rafael is so deeply grateful, it hurts. 

"I love you," Sonny manages to actually say this time, and Rafael breathes out slowly, knowing they've gotten through the first hard moment of this recovery.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this came from. I do not usually like writing Sonny sad, but it's what came out, so I hope you liked it.


End file.
